Ephesians: Walk In Love – Forgiving One Another

Transcript

Service Introduction

It’s time to begin our service today. I am so glad to have you here with us, and I send you my love and greetings.

If this is your first time joining us, and you wonder who we are and what we are up to, my name is Charles Paisley. I am, and most of our listeners here are, formerly members of the cult following of William Branham known as The Message. The Message is a global doomsday cult with millions of members. It started right here in Jeffersonville, Indiana, and spread all over the world. I am a former associate pastor of the second oldest Message church in the world, right here in the Jeffersonville area. This is a little mission we operate to offer encouragement to those leaving the Message and to take a look at the plain reading of scripture as we seek to wash out of our minds what, for most of us, has been a lifetime of indoctrination.

We are continuing our examination of the book of Ephesians today. We are in the fourth chapter, and we have finally reached the very end of the chapter. I will read starting at verse 31, and I will read into the first verses of chapter 5. I invite you to open your Bibles to follow along with me as I read. Ephesians chapter 4, verse 31:

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

5 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Let us pray. Lord God, we thank you for your goodness to us. When we were gripped by a false religious delusion, you delivered us. As we examine the scripture today, we pray that you bless our understanding. This we ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Introduction

I am glad we are finally arriving at the end of chapter 4 today. I thought, when I first started this second half of chapter 4, that I would get through it in one lesson. But here we are on lesson number 5 on the second half of the chapter. Let me remind you where we are overall within the book of Ephesians. From chapter 1 through chapter 3, Paul spoke to the Ephesians about key doctrines of the Christian faith. Then in chapter 4, Paul transitioned away from doctrine and started to speak about Christian conduct. From the start of chapter 4 through the end of the book, Christian conduct and practice and behavior are what Paul is focusing on.

As we arrived at the midpoint of chapter 4, Paul began giving a list of points on Christian conduct. So far, we have looked at the first four items on Paul’s list, and today we are looking at point number 5.

I have been careful to point out to you how each of the items on this list is not externalism. They are not legalism. But Paul’s explanation of each item lets us know he is looking at something in the heart of people. It’s something on the inside Paul is most concerned with. Each of these items, including the one we will look at today, comes as a result of walking in love. Loving in the same way Christ loved us is the basis for all the items on Paul’s list. We spent our first lesson on this section walking through that.

With each of these points, Paul has been following the same pattern: first, he says what not to do; then he says what we should do instead; and lastly, he explains why.

Bitterness and Wrath

As we examine these verses again today, we find Paul is still following the same pattern. Let me read those two verses again, and I will point it out to you:

So we see what we should not do: wrath, slander, bitterness, malice. And then we see what we should do instead: kindness and forgiveness. And then Paul explains why we should be that way: because God in Christ is that way.

We see that Paul continues to point to the life of Jesus Christ as his basis for saying these things. As we have read already in chapter 3, and earlier in chapter 4, and will read again in chapter 5, Jesus Christ walked in love. The commandment he gave the disciples was that they should love each other like he loved them. In that small commandment, we can find and understand everything Paul is relating about Christian conduct.

Once again, if we wanted to get even more specific about what Paul is saying here in verses 31 and 32, what could we say Paul is getting at here? The answer is: the fruit of the Spirit. Tenderheartedness, kindness in this way, is the fruit of the Spirit. As I have pointed out to you several times, both here in Ephesians, the fruit of the Spirit is true holiness. It’s not externalism, it’s not legalism. True holy living is all about what is in your heart. It is about your character, about having the love of God, and all the attributes of love in your life: joy, peace, patience, longsuffering, self-control, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and so forth. When we have those things in our hearts and our minds, they will naturally impact the way we live our life from day to day. We will walk in love, the very thing Paul is talking about here in Ephesians. When we love others, and because of that love, we carry out the life Paul is describing, then we really have what Paul is talking about.

The real thing starts in the heart. That is the difference between a Pharisee and a genuine Christian. For a Christian, it’s inside their heart. For a Pharisee, it’s just a cloak on the outside. When you only focus on the outside, guess what you create? You create a Pharisee. But when you focus on the heart, which is exactly what you see the writers of the New Testament doing, you get a Christian.

That is the difference. True holiness, at the end of the day, is what is in the heart. If it’s not in the heart, then all the externalism is worthless and profits you nothing. That puts someone in the category that will say, “Lord, Lord, didn’t we do all these things in your name?” And he says, “Depart from me, I never knew you.” It has to be in our hearts; otherwise, we are just a Pharisee.

Now, let’s turn our attention to examine these two verses. At first glance, they seem really straightforward. Let me read the verses again:

If you remember what Paul has been focusing on from very early in this chapter, Paul has been concerned with the Ephesians getting along with each other. In fact, I think we could say the main point of chapter 4 is Paul giving the Ephesians instructions about getting along with one another. That was certainly his chief point in the first verses of the chapter. Then he made that really long digression, the chief point being made in verses 15 and 16, that he was trying to put a boundary around what doctrines and beliefs they needed to concern themselves with for the purpose of avoiding arguments and disagreements over things that are irrelevant. So even Paul’s long digression ultimately was for the purpose of them getting along with each other. As he starts this list of dos and don’ts, we see the same theme in these first items. Paul is telling them to be honest with each other, to have honest jobs and not take advantage of each other, to have self-control over their anger. He tells them to show each other a lot of grace, and here in our verses today, he is telling them to be forgiving towards each other.

When we put all that together, we can see that Paul’s goal here is to give them all these instructions to help them get along with each other. This is all practical guidance for doing what he told them back in verse 3: maintaining the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

These instructions will lead to a more peaceful community, and as Christians, having a peaceful community is something we all desire.

How We Respond Matters

And so Paul says in verse 31:

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Now these things tend to come as a response to something. Let’s take bitterness. A person does not just arbitrarily feel bitterness. Bitterness, if you look at the definition – it is something people can feel when they believe they have been mistreated. Bitterness, specifically, is hard feelings over being mistreated. And so, with that verse first word there – bitterness – we realize Paul is talking about people who are in the middle of a situation. Something has already happened. Events have already transpired. And those events can leave someone feeling bitter over it all.

And with each of these items here, I get the sense Paul is speaking about these things in a rectory sort of a way. When something bad comes our way, we should not let these things define the way we respond to a bad situation.

If we have been mistreated, then bitterness is not the way to go because bitterness is something that is not compatible with love. We see nothing in scripture where Jesus was bitter with anyone. Bitterness can lead us to carry a grudge, and it can lead us to act out in ways that are unkind and unloving.

Bitterness can lead to wrath, which is the next thing on Paul’s list. And I believe Paul has ordered it this way on purpose. Bitterness, when it becomes entrenched, leads to wrath. A person can get to the point where, they are going to make someone pay for what they did. They are going to get even. They are going to make someone feel their wrath. And whatever it looks like, from small to big, they get set out to get even and to settle the score. That happens when bitterness gives way to wrath.

And then Paul says, avoid anger, and clamor and slander and malice. And when someone is pouring out their wrath on another person, those are very often ways that the wrath is poured out. Their wrath takes the form of angry clamor, slander, and malicious actions.

We know what clamor is. That is stirring things and people up. Getting people upset. Getting people talking. And slander – we know what that is too. That is telling lies about people. Saying things about them, which are untrue. That are specifically designed to hurt their reputation. To cause them harm. And that by its very definition is malicious. And malicious means, doing something specifically designed for the purposes of harming people. If you did something on purpose to harm someone, that was malicious. It is purposefully hurting other people.

And, I think we can see how all of these things fit together. Bitterness leads to wrath. Wrath can express itself by making everyone angry, causing clamor, slandering people, all with malicious intention.

And then you have a great big ugly situation where you end up with factions. And you end up with people being hurt, and lives harmed, even ruined. It makes for an unpleasant ugly community to live in.

And Paul is asking the Ephesians to live that sort of behavior in the past, with their old lives before Christ. And, I hate to say it, but this kind of behavior is very common among many people in The Message, especially some of the leaders. Spreading rumors, making clamor, building factions, and then doing malicious things to undermine people and cause them harm.

And that is not a pleasant environment to live in. And we have no obligation to stay and be part of something like that. When you see people behaving that way, you have a perfect right to excuse yourself. That is what I did. And I thought today I might share with you a little story of what happened when I left the message church where I was a minister. A full long version of that story is in the tract section on our website ChristianGospelChurch.org. But I thought that story would make a good illustration of what we are talking about here today.

We had a situation in our church, during the middle of the Covid plague. And we was following the guidance that had come out, and we told the people who were sick to stay home, and we had just one family sitting on each pew, and spacing people out.

But we had a preacher in our churches, his name was Kevin Crase. And you have heard me relate my opinion that he is a psychopath. And he had not too long before that been stopped from preaching, because he had been abusing faith healing, and people had been harmed. But about that time they let him start preaching again. And the truth is, brothers and sisters – that it was David Jackson and Steve Yarhaus especially who were behind him being sat down and stopped from preaching. David Jackson was especially upset over the things Kevin had done. There had been an elderly sister who was close to him who had died. And that really pushed him over the edge, I think.

And so they convinced James Allen to stop Kevin from preaching. And I honestly had nothing to do with it. They tipped me off about a day before it happened, and I was invited to the meeting where they confronted him over everything. And David and Steve did most of the talking there, and shutting him down.

But I am pretty sure that Kevin blamed me for that. And he was especially hot, because it was after that when they made me the assistant pastor of the church. And they set me up, all of them – James Allen told me this himself. They set me up that I was going to be pastor eventually.

And they did that in front of Kevin. And he couldn’t handle that.

And so, coming back to COVID, they asked me, should we let Kevin preach again. And I want to you to know – the reason that Kevin was allowed to preach again, was because of me. I am a very merciful and forgiving person brothers and sisters. I forgive people very easily.

And I said yes, let him preach again. So long as he stays off the kick preaching against medicine and doctors. Let him preach again.

Well, we get into COVID. And just about the first thing he does is start preaching against the COVID restrictions. And then he takes a sermon from Psalms, and more or less says the bride of Christ can never get COVID. And that sick people should come to church, because that is the best place for people in need. And of course, that had very predictable results. One week later, after he did that – 168 people got COVID in the church. I stopped counting at 168. It was probably more. The elderly were being hospitalized.

And, I look back on this now brothers and sisters. I want you to know my honest opinion here. It is my opinion that a man suffering from psychopathy was trying to kill off James Allen and destabilize the church on purpose. It is my opinion that he did all that on purpose.

And of Course, So Many People Were Sick or Hospitalized. We had to close the church, we didn’t have enough healthy people to even have services. I was literally the only person in leadership who didn’t get COVID. Everyone else got it.

And so, I finally reopened the church two or three weeks later. And I thought surely that would be the end of it. After Kevin did that, surely he would stop. He had got COVID himself and was in rough shape. James Allen was in terrible shape. The deacons, I mean everyone was sick. And quite a few were in the hospital, and we weren’t sure who was going to make it and who wouldn’t.

But the very next service Kevin Crase preached, he announced to everyone that his mother was sick, and they had decided to deny her medical treatment. And in the same sermon, he more or less encouraged everyone to follow his example and put their faith in God. And maybe they didn’t need medical treatment either.

At that stage, we had I forgot now how many people in the hospital with COVID. And I want to point out to you that Kevin’s mother died a few weeks after that.

As at that point, I had to put a stop to that. And I preached a sermon about it. I didn’t call any names, but I let my displeasure be known.

And here is where people get dirty. Steve Yahraus had been hospitalized; he is one of the people I am trying to protect. But Steve uses that opportunity to try and settle a score with me. He had been carrying a grudge, unbeknownst to me, for some time.

And here is what it was. There had been a situation involving Steve – which I am not going to give the details here because it involved children. But it was a very serious situation that could have resulted in people having a criminal record. I was trying to deal with it privately, and in my mind, I was helping them. I was dealing with it privately, and resolving the issue, and putting it to bed. But I soon found out that was not how they saw it. They saw it as putting them at risk. And it seems that Steve had been carrying a grudge to get even with me after that.

But for whatever reason, Steve used that moment of me expressing my displeasure over Kevin’s behavior. And he used that opportunity to try to get even with me. He started to slander me and clamoring and building a faction. He called a bunch of people on the phone. He told them to call James Allen and say certain things to him, all trying to turn people against me.

Steve, you did that. You did that for no good reason at all. And you never called me. You never spoke to me. It was all designed for you to manipulate other people against me, ultimately for the purpose of your own power or ego. That is the only reason you did that. And one day you will get rewarded for that behavior, and it’s not going to be good. And all of us here, who you mistreated and did wrong – we are all going to be here to witness your fall.

James Allen is an elderly man whose mind has failed in many ways. Steve Yahraus has been engaged in, for quite some time, what in my opinion is elder abuse. He has been manipulating and controlling James Allen for his own benefit. And Steve Yahraus, absolutely, is the man who runs Faith Assembly church. And for him to say otherwise, is for him to expose himself as the wicked liar he is.

Let me say it to you this way. I was the assistant pastor of the church. The pastor was recovering from COVID. That made me the most senior figure active at the church.

In that capacity, I had every right to do what I did. I had every right to confront and deal with Kevin – who was denying medical treatment to his own mother and trying to get other people to follow his lead. I had every right to condemn that. And I did – and I don’t repent of it one bit. Because that was the right thing to do.

Steve had absolutely no right to do what he did. He had no right to manipulate that situation to his own advantage. He had nothing to do with it. He should have called me on the phone and talked to me. Instead, he got up a faction of people and turned them on me, and started down the road he did. Steve, you had no right to do that. You sinned against me. And you owe me and everyone an apology for that. And it is quite appalling to me, that you, sick at home with COVID, was one of the very people I was trying to protect. Shame on you, Steve.

For years people told me things about you, and I never believed you were like that. I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. But it turns out you really are a despicable human being who doesn’t care who he steps on to get what you want.

Steve organized a meeting, wherein he manipulated an elderly man not in a good state of mind and battling COVID to call. And Steve sat there and pretended like he had nothing to do with it when everyone else in that room knew he orchestrated the whole thing. James Allen told me I had no right to be angry, and that I needed to submit to them. And people died, brothers and sisters. People died. And I had no right to be angry over that, according to them.

So the blood is on all their hands. And all the people that have been killed since then too, that blood is on their hands too.

David Jackson, you are guilty. Steve Yahraus, you are guilty. James Allen, you are guilty. David Berta wasn’t there – he was sick with COVID.

I am sure that none of the leaders at Faith Assembly said a single thing about any of this when they explained why I left the church. Somehow, in months and months of harassment and sermons and everything else, they managed to leave out the fact that I was angry over the growing pile of dead bodies, and that was why I left.

That is why I left, brothers and sisters. I had not given up on the message yet at that stage. I still thought I could find the answers.

I never listened myself, but I am told they made up a bunch of ridiculous stuff. They said I had a church credit card or something along that line, implying there was some sort of financial abuse. But I never had a church credit card ever – and I always bought things for the church out of my own pocket. Because I knew about the embezzlement – and there was no chance I was going to use a church credit card knowing about that stuff. Because I didn’t want to have dirty hands.

It is pretty ironic to have all these people who were involved in or covering up embezzlement accuse me of some sort of a financial thing. It’s outrageous, to be honest.

I tried repeatedly, I have the emails for it, trying to schedule a meeting with David Jackson. And Dustin Voyles was on the emails; he has copies. I tried repeatedly to get with them and give them the passwords for the church websites. And David refused, wouldn’t reply to me. And then, I heard he said I refused to give them passwords, which was a terrible lie.

And I Heard They Accused Me of Stealing Things. They accused me of stealing things which they had actually either given me or lent to me. And they all knew it. Just one lie after another. When you think about all the people who had to go along with it, that knew better, I really don’t know how these people live with themselves after all the good things we did for them for years and years. And even many of them, keeping their secrets. And then, after all those years—we spent our whole life there—for them to treat us like they did, it’s really breathtaking to think people could behave that way. That experience will wake you up. You can’t go through that without realizing – this is some sort of a cult. Christians don’t behave the way Faith Assembly has behaved. If it wasn’t for the fact that we realize they are in a cult and they have been brainwashed, we would think that these people are just the scum of the earth or something. But they have been brainwashed by a cult. So, we have to be much like Jesus and say, “Father forgive them – they know not what they do.”

So, I just left the church. I told them I was taking a break from preaching. And I left. I came back once, for Brother Bud’s funeral, and that was it. I never went back. I never made any public statement. I never did anything. I just left quietly. I didn’t say a thing to anyone.

They harassed me. Steve spread rumors that went around the world about me. David Jackson and another deacon called me on the phone over and over. They kept telling me I had to come back. I told them I would talk to James Allen if he would return my calls. But James Allen refused to talk to me. Here is why: he needed Steve Yahraus in the room because Steve was the one pulling the strings. Finally, they told me I should make a video and explain why I left at least. I didn’t want to – it was against my own judgment to do it. But I finally listened to them. I did. I sent them a private video explaining why I was leaving. And at the end, I said I forgive them for everything, I was leaving in peace.

That is when I found out they were all just tricking me. David Jackson had been secretly recording our phone calls – fortunately, I had not said anything I regret. Then they used the video I sent privately to the leaders to say I had published something to the whole world. I think it got 50 views total. The truth is, they had just been trying to trick me into some pretext they could use against me, to make me out to be a bad guy.

Then they started to attack me and harassed me. They did that for one year straight. Non-stop. Nearly every single church service. Calling me, emailing me, mailing me stuff. Showing up at my house. Harassing us. Damaging our property.

They did us much evil only because we left. We left because they were killing people. They were killing people. They were killing people.

It’s not okay what happened. It’s still not okay what happened. There has been no repentance. No apology. No nothing. It has been nothing from them but malicious slander, anger, bitterness—whatever you want to call it. Steve Yahraus and Kevin Crase are primarily to blame. If James Allen wants to take responsibility, then let him. But I know the truth. There were times he didn’t even know where he was. He has good days and bad days. Something is very wrong with James Allen’s mind. David Jackson was the first one to tell me that before I witnessed it myself. I’d have to drive James Allen home at times. Or we’d be out, and he would not know where we were at, or what we were doing. One time we were doing a funeral together, and he totally blanked out and didn’t even know what we were doing. I had to bring him back down to earth. All the times I had to do that were times that Steve wasn’t there. Because Steve is the one who generally does that for him. Steve is the one hiding all this as best he can because he needs to be able to continue to manipulate James Allen. Otherwise, he has nothing left to restrain the psychopath.

It is all a sad, pathetic mess. Let me assure you, it has nothing to do with God. Not one stitch.

This whole thing that happened to me, at the end of the day, was caused by a feud between two men who have been feuding for years. If you don’t think that is what has been going on, then you have been fooled. You have been royally fooled. The feud is still ongoing, despite all the fakery and false smiles. What do you think that was about with Steve’s family a few months ago? Who do you think was manipulating that situation? It was Kevin Crase, trying to one-up Steve. And you see who the casualties of that were: David and Beth. David and Beth didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Anyone who saw that stuff and can’t recognize James Allen’s mind and judgment has slipped – I am deeply afraid for you because your own mind and judgment have to be slipping too. It’s brainwashing. At the root of all this destruction at Faith Assembly lies a feud between two wicked men, and that feud has a lot of casualties at this stage.

I say all that for this reason. It would be very easy for people like you and me, who have been through these sorts of things, to become bitter, or hateful, or malicious. To make them feel our wrath. It would be very easy to do that.

But Paul here is telling us we can’t go that way. That is the old life. That is the old man. That is the old way of walking. I know some I have talked to struggle with emotions over these things. It is very natural to have emotions over the way these people have treated us for no good reason and without just cause.

But we have to resist the temptation to let that become bitterness and turn into these harmful things. There is a right way to deal with these situations. As we get into chapter 5, we will see that Paul tells us a bit about how to combat these sorts of situations. Here in these verses we are looking at today, he is talking about forgiveness.

Think of Jesus on the cross. He says, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do.” There were people there that day just going along with the crowd. They had no idea what they were doing. For many of us, it’s just that same thing. There are a lot of people just going along with the crowd. They are trusting their leaders. They do not have our perspective. They do not know what went on behind the scenes. They do not understand that people are being two-faced, manipulative, and dishonest.

For those people, we have to be like Jesus. “Father forgive them, they don’t even know what they are doing.” They have been tricked. As you think about that crowd of people insulting Jesus and killing him, one thief on the cross next to him looks over and says, “Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” In that moment, he saw Jesus for who he was. In that moment, he recognized him as Lord and Savior. The way Jesus conducted himself, even while dying on the cross, showed the light to the thief next to him, and he was saved.

That is a remarkable lesson for us. Even nailed to a cross, dying a death he did not deserve, Jesus never stopped being a light. He never stopped forgiving those who sought it.

Forgiving

Let me read verse 32:

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Paul is guiding us on how to react to those who mistreat us. When people treat us poorly, we might be tempted to become bitter or unleash our wrath on them. But that is not how we should behave.

We don’t need to take matters into our own hands to execute wrath on people. Remember what Jesus said: we don’t overcome evil with evil but with good. These are the weapons we fight with. We don’t fight with slander; we fight with truth. We don’t behave maliciously; instead, we love our enemies and desire for them to escape the clutches of their delusions. We are tenderhearted, and we forgive everyone who seeks it.

We respond to lies with truth. We respond to hate with love. We do not defeat evil with evil; we defeat evil with good. That is exactly what we are doing here. They tell lies, and we tell the truth. Their lies end up harming them, and the truth we tell undoes their wicked plans. We invite them to come to the truth because we know that if they come to the truth, it will set them free.

Forgive as Christ Forgave

Let me read verse 32:

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Now, there’s one more thing I want to point out, and it’s something you may need to think about. It’s the very last part of verse 32: Paul tells us to forgive as God in Christ forgave you. That is our model—to forgive like God forgives, looking to Jesus as our example.

I want to ask you a question: Does God forgive people who do not repent? Does God forgive people of their sins when they do not repent? The answer to that is no. God only forgives people who repent.

The door is always open to sinners. God is waiting with His arms outstretched, ready to embrace and forgive anyone who repents. He is not trying to get even or being bitter. He is not planning malicious punishments against people. He is waiting, with arms outstretched, ready to forgive anyone who repents. But if they don’t repent, if they don’t enter His embrace, then what? Then they are not forgiven.

Jesus on the cross said, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do.” Jesus asked the Father not to hold their ignorance against them, but unless those people actually repented, none of them would be saved. We can say we forgive people for what they have done, but they are not truly forgiven unless they repent.

In fact, in many cases, it would be inappropriate for us to say we forgive someone who has not repented. When dealing with a crowd of people, where it’s a mixed multitude, like Stephen when he was being murdered, Stephen forgave them. What happened? One of the people in the crowd—Saul of Tarsus—was standing there to hear and see it. Eventually, Saul did repent and ask for forgiveness. The same with Jesus on the cross. Eventually, the thief beside Him repented. Eventually, some of those same people in the crowd who said, “Crucify Him,” were saved on the day of Pentecost and joined the church. It took them repenting to receive forgiveness, even though Jesus offered it to them on the cross.

It’s important for us to realize that is how forgiveness works. There has to be repentance. Forgiveness, in the biblical sense, requires two parties: one who repents and the other who grants forgiveness. Without those two parties, you do not have biblical forgiveness.

Often in life, we can look at forgiveness as a one-party responsibility. We can unilaterally forgive someone, even though they have not repented. We do this to release bitterness, not hold a grudge, because those things are sins. We do this for our own well-being.

But even though we have forgiven in that sense, releasing bitterness or anger, that person is not truly forgiven unless they repent of what they did.

This is important to recognize because when you look at forgiveness as something purely one-sided, that is how you end up being abused and mistreated over and over. If someone has not repented and they keep doing it over and over again, you have no obligation to stick around and keep forgiving them over and over, taking more and more.

For example, a psychopathic man who abuses his wife. Her nerves get frayed, she gets worse and worse, she starts breaking down and can’t handle it. She might forgive him, but then he goes back to the same behavior. That is not forgiveness because he is not repenting and not changing his behavior. That wife is under no obligation to stay with that abusive husband.

It’s no different with these groups. I had someone tell me, more or less, “Well, you just come back to church and let them treat you abusively for a few months, and then you can fit back in.” Faith Assembly is an abusive church led by abusive leaders. What they did to me and my family is a case in point. The way they harassed us and attacked us for months on end after we just left quietly is absolutely wicked and ungodly behavior. They have not repented of it and would do it all again. That is why so many people are trapped there, because they seek to make it a living hell for anyone who wants to leave.

While you and I do need to guard our hearts against bitterness, and never try to fight their evil with evil, I want you to know that you are justified in withholding forgiveness from people who refuse to repent. Even God does that. We need to be eager and willing to forgive anyone who seeks it, but for those who don’t, we are fully justified in avoiding people who are harming us and seeking to harm us. When people are harming you and are not going to stop, you have no obligation to continue subjecting yourself to that. If you can step away from that situation, you can. Even if, after all that, they come around and repent later, you forgive them—that is a must. But that forgiveness does not mean you need to go back into any sort of close relationship with them.

We can forgive them for what they did, but reconciliation and restoration of a relationship is based on seeing a change in behavior. If we don’t see that change in behavior, we are still justified in keeping our distance. It’s a judgment call we have to make, looking at actions to tell if repentance is genuine or not, or if someone is safe, even if they have repented. It is up to each of us to look within ourselves, examine our own circumstances, and make that judgment call.

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Let us do our best every day to be a shining example of these verses. You never know who is watching. You never know when someone’s heart can be touched and changed when they see God’s love, forgiveness, and work in our lives.

Remember, this is not a command to forgive people who are unrepentant or who continue to harm you, making you a victim of their mistreatment. This is a command to forgive like God forgives. And God only forgives those who repent.

Amen.

Let me close here in prayer.