Transcript
It’s time to begin our service today, and I am so glad to have you here with us.
I send my greetings to all our friends around the world. God bless each and every one of you. Today, let’s all make sure we say a special prayer for our friends in Israel. I had an opportunity to exchange messages with some of the brothers and sisters there over the past week, and they are doing well. But there is a lot of tension over just what is going to happen with the situation they are experiencing right now. Iran has said they are going to launch another attack on Israel, and we want to just pray for the safety of all of God’s children.
While this may break into a greater war of some sort, we can be totally sure this is not the miracle war that Raymond Jackson talked about. None of this remotely matches what he said was supposed to happen, which we covered in another lesson a few months ago. We may go back to that again when we wrap up our study of the book of Ephesians.
If this is your first time joining us, and you wonder who we are and what we are up to, my name is Charles Paisley. I am, and most of our listeners here are, formerly members of the cult following of William Branham known as The Message. The Message is a global doomsday cult with millions of members. It started here in Jeffersonville, Indiana, and spread all over the world. I am formerly associate pastor of the second oldest Message church in the world, right here in the Jeffersonville area. This is a little mission we operate to offer encouragement to those leaving the Message and to take a look at the plain reading of scripture as we seek to wash out of our minds what, for most of us, has been a lifetime of indoctrination.
Today, we are resuming our study of the book of Ephesians. We are in the fifth chapter. I invite you to open your Bibles and follow along with me. I will be reading from verse 21 down to the end of the chapter. Paul writes:
“21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Prayer:
“Lord God, as we approach the scripture this morning, we pray you bless our reading. Help us to see and understand by the Holy Spirit. We say a special prayer for our friends in Israel, asking that you keep and protect them from harm and danger. May you grant them and all of us peace in our hearts. This we ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Introduction
“Well, brothers and sisters, we have quite a few verses to examine in this section. As we noticed, there are two main things Paul is conveying to us here. I expect we will take a couple of lessons to go over this section to look at each of those things. The first is that Paul is speaking here about the marital relationship. And then second, he is intertwining that with a comparison of the church as the bride of Christ. Today, we are going to focus primarily on the human marital side of this passage. Then, in our next lesson, we will go more deeply into looking at what Paul has to say about the bride of Christ.”
“Now, as we begin today, I want to make sure that I acknowledge that this passage of scripture can be very challenging for us to examine. Because of the way the cult we have escaped treated many of us, I know there are many people who suffered a lot of abuse in the cult. Men in the cult used these sorts of verses to turn women into victims and empowered themselves to force their wives to submit to whatever abuse they wanted to mete out.”
“When I say these verses can be challenging for us to examine, it’s because, when we read these verses, all we can see is that it appears Paul is commanding women to be a doormat for men to wipe their feet on. That is all they can see, because certain wicked men in the cult used these verses over and over again for that very thing. I am very sympathetic to people who have that reaction to these verses on this side of the cult. You might be in a place where you just can’t hear these words today, and if that is your situation, I want you to know that God has a special grace for you. Remember back in chapter 4, Paul said God has a measure of grace that fits you perfectly. God knows that you and I spent twenty, thirty, forty, or more years of our lives in a cult. God knows what some of us have been through, and God knows that people like you and I have more than submitted ourselves for our entire lives to whatever the leaders in the message wanted to do to us.”
“For some of us, it was a very cruel life. If that is your case, and that is where you are today, I want you to know there is grace for you. If the mere sound of the words of these verses sends you into a panic attack, then turn this lesson off and don’t listen to it today. And God bless you just the same.”
“But before I go any further into this, I want to say very plainly that these verses are not a license for someone to abuse or mistreat you, or to trap you in a relationship that is cruel and harmful. That is absolutely not what these verses are about. The men in the cult who used these verses in that way are probably all going to go to hell unless they repent and turn away from that evil.”
“As we approach these verses, I know that you are here listening today because you share my desire to continue to walk with Christ despite all that we have been through. We have realized that what the cult taught us was wrong. Even though it can be hard for us, and maybe it’s not something we are ready to tackle today, when we are ready, we know that someday we have to come back and tackle verses like these. Because it’s not something we can ignore or dismiss. It’s something we are forced to tackle as Christians, because it is right here in the Bible. Somehow, we have to find a right way to look at these verses as our hearts heal. And that is what I want to try to do today.”
Now as we get started, the first thing I want to remind you of is what we covered in our most recent lessons. If you remember, Paul has been speaking about Christian conduct since back in chapter 4. As we arrive at these verses related to marriage, it is just a continuation of his broader theme of looking at Christian conduct.
In the first half of the chapter, Paul has been warning against sexual immorality. Paul’s pattern through here has been to first warn about what to avoid and then second to tell the Ephesians what to do instead. As we arrive at this passage, it’s important to first notice that Paul is continuing that same pattern. He has warned against sexual immorality, and now he is telling us what to do instead.
We should not engage in sexual immorality, but we can get married. This is part of Paul’s answer to the issue of sexual immorality. Paul is contrasting this holy marital relationship in these verses with the relationships of sexual immorality he has spoken of in the first half of the chapter. In that way, the second half of chapter 5 is a contrast with the first half of the chapter. I want to make sure I point that out to you.
Now, there is a second thing I want to point out to you, and it is how Paul leads into this second half of the chapter. Let me read verses 15 to 21 so you can see what Paul says leading up to what we are looking at today. He writes:
“15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
You notice here that verse 21 is a continuation of what Paul has been saying since verse 15. When Paul tells us to submit to one another, that comes in his conclusion of these prior verses. As we went through in our last lesson, that command to submit to each other is about respect. Paul is comparing someone who is drunk and intoxicated with someone who is sober and happy. In that comparison, he says that we should submit ourselves to one another.
Submit to One Another
In the context of everything we have read up to this point in our study of Ephesians, it is very clear that love is the guiding principle in all of this. Love respects other people. Love is respectful of other people. Love does not trample on other people. But when we are drunken on the many things in this world that can intoxicate us, we end up trampling on other people and harming them and ourselves because we are not in a right state of mind; we are not thinking right.
When we are intoxicated by power, wealth, greed, strong drink, or all those sorts of things, we are not capable of respecting other people. We are not capable of submitting to others. This submission in verse 21 is primarily talking about respect for others, and that comes across fairly clearly in the verse itself. It says:
“21 submitting to one another out of reverence [or out of respect] for Christ.”
Right there, we have another very important aspect of our guiding principle. It is love which guides our submitting to one another, but it is not just any old way. It is looking to Christ as our example. Paul has repeatedly told us Jesus is our example for all this conduct, and we see that again here in verse 21:
“21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
We are going to look at Christ’s example, respect his example, and follow it. This respect, which is an attribute of love, motivates this conduct of submitting to one another.
Now before we start examining these verses about the marital relationship, there is one more thing I want to point out to you about verse 21. I want you to notice that verse 21 is a universal submission to one another. Verse 21 says everyone should submit to everyone. I should submit to you, and you should submit to me. A wife should submit to her husband, and a husband should submit to his wife.
Verse 21 has us all submitting to each other. It is a universal submission and calls our attention to Jesus Christ as our model here. He showed us the way. Remember, he said whoever will be great in the kingdom of heaven will be a servant. The biggest names, the most popular, the strongest, the greatest in the church must be servants. Even the highest and greatest of all has to be submitted as a servant to others.
You remember Jesus demonstrated that himself at the Last Supper. He girded himself with an apron, got down as a servant, and washed the feet of the disciples. Then he commanded them all to do the same thing, to be servants to the people.
Think of that—the Lord of glory, the Son of God, our Lord and our Savior. He got down on his knees and washed other people’s feet. Think about that and let me read this verse to you again:
“21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Jesus Christ showed us what this submitting would look like. It is a universal submitting, where even Jesus Christ, while here below, debased himself, put himself into the role of a servant, and served those around him. His entire ministry was about submitting himself. He submitted himself even unto death. Why did he do that? He did it for us. He submitted himself unto death, even the death of the cross, so that he could help each and every one of us.
That is Christ’s example—submitting unto death to save others. As Paul writes this verse 21, he is appealing directly to that example. We should submit to each other in respect to the example of Christ. He said, “A new commandment I give you—that you love one another as I have loved you.” That is what everything Paul is writing here is built on. It is built on that one command of the Lord Jesus Christ. If we love each other like he loved us, we will submit ourselves to one another just as Jesus Christ submitted himself.
Verse 21 makes this a universal thing. There is mutual submission happening in the church and in our relationships. There is mutual respect, mutual love, and that is what lies at the heart of verse 21. If you skip verse 21, as so many Message preachers are prone to do, you will arrive at verse 22 with a completely wrong starting point.
We are not going to go beyond chapter 5 today, but there is one last thing I want to point out to you before we move on to looking at verse 22. Paul is going to give three different examples of submitting to each other as we read on. First, he is going to talk about submitting in our marital relationships. Then in chapter 6, he is going to talk about submitting in our parental relationships. Finally, he will wrap up talking about submitting in our relationships with our employers.
He is going to talk about this submitting quite a bit, and in each and every example, we will discover it is a two-way submission. He will tell children to respect their parents, but he will also tell the parents not to provoke them to wrath. He will tell employees to work hard and do a good job for their employers, but he will also tell the employers to be honest, pay fair wages, and treat their staff well.
With each one of these examples, Paul is calling for mutual submission or mutual respect. That is the exact same thing he is doing here in these verses where he talks about marriage. These verses are not about a one-sided relationship where someone is basically a slave to someone else who is a master. This is about a relationship of mutual respect founded on love.
Wives and Husbands
Now Paul starts with the wife, and in verse 22 he says:
“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
So here we have the wives. Let’s break this down verse by verse.
Verse 22:
“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
We have already dealt with this term “submit.” It is the exact same submit as in verse 21. It means submitting like Jesus submitted himself. We can know this is true because in the original Greek, the word “submit” is not actually in verse 22. The Greek words in verse 22 are:
“Wives, to your own husbands.”
The translators added the word “submit” to maintain continuity with verse 21. This fact demonstrates that Paul does not have a new definition for “submit” here. Verse 22 talks about the same kind of mutual, universal submission that Paul discussed in verse 21, where everyone is submitting or respecting everyone else. Paul is just adding more definition and reasoning about why and how this is the case.
Verse 23:
“23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church…”
This provides more information. The husband is the head of the wife in the same way that Christ is the head of the church. Both men and women should consider this: Christ is the head of every person in the church, regardless of gender or status. Paul has clearly stated this in chapters 2 and 3.
In the church, Christ is our head. But within marriages, the husband is the head, and this is meant to reflect the relationship of Christ as the head of the church. In unhealthy contexts, this might imply power and dominance, but in verse 25, we see that Christ, as the head of the church, sacrificed his life for his bride.
Paul’s comparison here is that the husband should sacrifice himself for the good of his wife, similar to how Christ sacrificed for the church. Verse 23 calls for the wife to respect and honor her husband’s sacrifices, which often involve providing and working for the family. Despite changes over generations, husbands are still typically the primary breadwinners, and their sacrifices should be honored, just as Christ’s sacrifice for the church is honored.
Verse 24:
“24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
This verse gives another comparison: as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
So Christ is the Example Again. The church is not submitting to Jesus as a tyrant. The church is not submitting to Jesus as a cruel person. Jesus is not standing over us, screaming and yelling at us. He is not compelling us to do things. Jesus is meek and lowly—He is not hard to be around. He is not burdensome or oppressive. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.
Verse 24 is putting the respect a wife shows her husband on that same level. In a relationship with a loving husband, one who is truly working for the good of his family, the wife should show respect for her husband, as verse 24 calls for.
This verse in no way empowers a husband to be a tyrant over his wife. It does not trap a woman so that she cannot escape from a tyrannical or abusive husband. Paul says in 1 Corinthians that if a woman’s husband is not pleased to dwell with her, then she can separate from him. A husband who is cruel or harsh and abusive is not pleased to dwell with his wife.
If that man is an unbeliever, then, upon separating from him, the woman is free to marry again. The church itself has the authority to treat an abusive man as an unbeliever. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gave procedures for dealing with people who do not live up to Christian teaching. A man who is cruel and abusive to his wife is someone not living up to Christian standards. Jesus said to first address the issue privately; if that doesn’t work, involve the elders. If that still doesn’t work, bring the matter before the church. If necessary, treat them like an unbeliever.
If they are an unbeliever and not pleased to dwell with you, as Paul said, then you are free to marry again. The Bible does not trap men or women in bad marriages with abusive people. Absolutely not.
Perhaps one day we will take a whole lesson on this. If there is anyone who would like me to walk through the Scriptures about divorce and remarriage, send me an email, and I would be happy to do that for you.
For today, just know that if you are in an abusive relationship, and the person you are married to will not or cannot change, you are not bound to stay in that situation. Depending on the circumstances, you may even be free to marry again. Each case is unique, and I encourage you to look at the Scriptures or seek out a godly counselor to help you navigate these questions.
But as it relates to what we are reading in Ephesians 5, Paul is telling a wife that when she is in a relationship with a loving and caring husband—one who is in a breadwinner role, providing for his family and doing his best—she is obliged to respect him. A husband like that is not going to be abusing his wife. There might be hard decisions and sacrifices at times, but it will not be an abusive or cruel relationship.
Husbands
So, the wife is called to respect her husband and engage in this mutual submission from verse 21. Now, in verse 25, Paul turns his attention to the husband because this mutual submission also applies to him.
Let’s read verse 25:
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
This respect or submission flows directly from love. It was this love that caused Christ to submit Himself even unto death. Paul is pointing this out to the husband, calling him to love his wife in that same sacrificial way. Husbands are not empowered to rule their wives as tyrants but are called to be equally sacrificial in their own lives towards their wives.
Let’s look at verse 28:
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.
Paul is clearly calling on husbands to conduct themselves in such a way that they are providing and caring for their wives in a manner that mirrors how Christ cares for the church. I’ll be honest, and perhaps this is because I’m a man, but these verses seem to place a bigger requirement on the husband than on the wife. The husband is called to make as much, if not more, sacrifice for the sake of his marriage than the wife is.
There’s no way to turn Paul’s words here into a one-way street where one person does all the giving and the other all the taking. Paul is clearly saying that both sides of the marriage must give, sacrifice, submit, and respect one another.
Each marriage is unique, and how work and responsibilities are divided varies. Paul’s teaching allows for flexibility in finding the balance that works best for each couple. Whether in traditional settings where the husband works outside the home and the wife manages the home, or in more modern arrangements where roles are mixed, the principle of mutual respect and sacrifice applies.
Let’s look at verse 33:
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
In verse 33, Paul again uses the word “respect” rather than “submit,” indicating that respect and submission are used interchangeably in this context. Verse 33 sums up the relationship Paul is describing: not a master-slave dynamic, but one of mutual love and mutual respect.
As Christians, we are called to a marriage characterized by these qualities. Marriage should be a relationship where sacrifices are made to maintain mutual love and respect. For those who are happily married, it’s clear that these sacrifices are worth it. A happy marriage—one without constant bickering or strife—is a special and unique relationship, the best a man and woman can find in this world. It provides companionship, joy, and support, making it a relationship unlike any other.
In fact, Jesus Christ used the relationship of marriage to describe His own relationship with the church. This special bond between husband and wife offers a unique insight into our relationship with Christ. Paul intertwines these concepts throughout this passage, and I look forward to exploring this aspect with you next time.
Closing
As I bring this lesson to a close, there’s so much more that could be said about marriage. I could easily preach a dozen sermons on this topic. But in Ephesians 5, as Paul addresses Christian conduct, we can summarize his message with what he says in verse 33:
Christian marriages should be defined by mutual love and respect.
Christ should be our example for how to achieve this. Just as Christ gave Himself for His bride, the church, and the church loves and adores Christ for the salvation He offered, we should model our marriages after this example. By following the pattern Paul lays out in these verses, we can create happy homes and enduring marriages.
Let me close in prayer:
Lord God, we thank You for the Bible and for the gift of marriage. We are grateful for husbands and wives who bring joy into our lives and who are our companions through life. We also thank You for the special insight that marriage gives us into our relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Help us, Lord, to exemplify Christ in our homes and marriages.
This we ask in Jesus’ name.
Amen.